but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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