Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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