i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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