let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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