its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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