I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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