I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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