I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize