forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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