Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize