the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize