You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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