hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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