i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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