Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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