I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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