i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize