weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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