where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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