Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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