about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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