Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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