meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize