I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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