he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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