But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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