I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
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Ketchup is God's man juice
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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