Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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