I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize