I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize