he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When are your genitals available?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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