Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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