im six kinds of drunk right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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