I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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