I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize