I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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