I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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