Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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