Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize