Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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