apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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