You smell like a Billy Joel song
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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