It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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