he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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