No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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