So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize