I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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