this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize