i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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