i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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